I don’t know how to observe what I am feeling without judgement. I go through the process to welcome my sadness and be curious about my sadness and I wake up the next day, annoyed my sadness is still here. I am tired of the answer to peoples questions “How are you?” to be variations of “still not great”…and maybe people are genuine on wanting to know where I am right now and not trying to feel out for when I am “great” again.

I have a note in my bathroom from Kelsey that says “I hope you are kind to yourself today”…what does being gentle and kind to myself look like? Why is it so fucking hard?

Dear Sadness, I see you. You need to be here and that is hard when you don’t feel welcome anymore. I am sorry I keep wanting you to be anything but who you are right now. I am sorry I am having trouble sitting in vigil with what is. I am here right now and will try to patiently listen better.