Celebrating a Decade

10 years ago today, I married the love of my life. I had no idea what the next decade would contain. We have both changed so much that 10 years ago us would struggle to recognize us. Back then, I thought change was bad. I thought getting married was a commitment to remain the same person for the sake of the person I was marrying.  Somehow I thought I was supposed to grow without changing my path. I now know that it is impossible to grow while remaining fixed on one way forward. Growth requires the ability to let go of what once was. It requires stepping into the unknown. It requires knowing myself well enough to trust myself. I love the person I once was because she got me to here. She was brave enough to take one step and then another.

I love that person 10 years ago me married. She married a girl who didn’t know at the time she was a girl. That girl was trying so hard to be the person she thought she was supposed to be. She gave everything to our marriage but realized it wasn’t right. Eventually, she was brave enough to admit that she wasn’t who either of us thought she was. Slowly, she listened to her own inner Knowing and discovered the real her, hiding inside underneath all the layers of expectations. She makes this choice over and over. She has taught me to do the same every single day.

Just the last few weeks alone have resulted in discovering more about ourselves and moving to places I wouldn’t have anticipated. During the midst of change and growth, I often go back to a place of fear, afraid of the unknown. I have to choose to hold on to myself, to trust her and our mutual commitments to us and take the next step forward. I know we can’t go back. Once we know, we Know. I won’t go back to hiding from myself.

Tomorrow, we were supposed to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary with a renewal of vows surrounded by a small group of loved ones. Life has asked us to put that dream on hold. We will wait until another time to have that celebration. In the meantime, this weekend we will celebrate new commitments to ourselves and to each other.

I don’t know what the next decade will involve but I hope it includes her.

Please enjoy a sneak preview of two beautiful brides.