Last night, I was snuggling with my beautiful partner on the couch and I twisted her hair up into a messy up do. Please, let me me the first to tell you, she is absolutely stunning. She radiates femininity. In those moments that I wonder how I ever thought she was anything but her.
Living in a binary world, it is so easy to categorize everyone and everything into familiar boxes. But what is maybe even more damaging then the boxes is how hard it is to see when those categorizations become limiting or harmful and to then readjust those categorizations.
When I met my partner, I didn’t know transgender was in the relm of possibility. And I didn’t know that one day I was realized I was gay. She was neatly tucked into the box labeled “male”, and then into the box labeled “male friend” (which is definitely a separate box than female friend). Later she became the first to enter my “boyfriend” and “husband” box. These boxes limited who she could become in my world. They came with sides and a top. They came with unspoken expectations.
When she came out to me as transgender, I had to begin dismantling the boxes I placed her in, partly as a gift to her so that she didn’t have to waste her energy trying to break out of them but also for my own sake. I couldn’t see the real her if I kept her inside of the expectations I placed her in. Also, If I can dismantle the boxes I built for her, maybe I can dismantle all the boxes I built for me. Maybe I can break free and learn what it means to be me.
When a person has the courage to speak up for themselves and admit who they truly are on the inside, they give those of us around them the gift of authenticity as well. This process has been so hard but the way I am learning to see myself and those around me show me everyday how much the struggle is worth it.
Please show me the real you. I want to know you.
Leave a Reply