It’s 8 o’clock on a weeknight. The kids are in bed and my wife goes to bed early. I feel like a lost soul. There is a laundry room to clean, basement to organize, and dishes to do, all practical and helpful things but they feel like drudgery. Those kinds of tasks are things I actually often enjoy doing but not right now.  They are what my mind tells me I should be doing. But my heart and soul and body are crying out to be heard. They are trying to tell me I am worth more than all the shoulds I check off my daily to do list. I get so stuck in all the shoulds I have internalized over my lifetime. I have forgotten how to listen to myself. I have gotten lost along the way. I know I need to hold onto myself but I don’t know what self that is to hold onto.

The idea of exploring what makes me happy or gives me life feels selfish and self serving. But the constant giving of all that I am and all that I have has left me feeling empty and at times resentful. This isn’t lifegiving for me or anyone around me. Today I have felt convicted that I need to carve out space in the day for me to just be. A time to be quiet and still and listen. To let go of the demands of the world.

So, here is the space I worked on today. A space for art, reflection, and stillness. A place I can practice presence.